The conservative press is going nuts with a story about a sex education “camp” in Indiana that’s going to teach third graders how to be trans and get laid or some such hyperbole. The online outrage is driven by a flyer for a course sponsored by Oak Park Our Whole Lives (OWL). Sensationalized media reports are most horrified by the idea of condom demos for young ones. However, they also call out the course for teaching that gender is a spectrum, only providing scientific information rather than values-based dictums, not telling kids to save sex for marriage, and allowing kids to pass on any activity that makes them uncomfortable as a way to model consent.
The articles were so heated that it actually took me a second to realize that I think this a great list. The only thing controversial about it is the actual condom demos for third graders, and I can assure you the OWL program—a fabulous, comprehensive set of sex education curricula—does not do that. There actually is no third grade OWL curriculum; there are full curricula for K–1, 4–6, 7–9, and 10–12, and many of them were written by colleagues whom I know and trust. Condoms are mentioned in elementary school as a way to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, but demos don’t start until seventh grade.
What I find most disturbing about this attack is that it got nasty and personal. Media outlets called the program “grooming” for sexual predators and then published the name of the facilitator along with details about her career. Someone also posted personal information about her on a community social media account, and the educator received hateful messages and even death threats. Opponents of the program went on to disrupt another workshop by the same group using slurs and violent imagery.
This isn’t public school. No one is forcing anyone’s children to attend this workshop. I might argue that children of parents who are offended by programs like this are possibly the ones who need it most, but that’s neither here nor there. If you don’t like it or don’t think it’s right for your kid, that’s totally fine. I think abstinence-only-until-marriage rituals are inane and potentially detrimental to a lifetime of healthy sexuality, but I would never storm a Silver Ring Thing event. I’ll write about it (possibly with some snark and a touch of hyperbole to be fair) in the hopes that I could persuade some parents with my words, but I wouldn’t post the personal information of the facilitators, pastors, or participants.
There are very few scenarios in which I agree to disagree, but this is an easy one. If you don’t like the program, don’t send your kid.
More Evidence that COVID Penis is Real
While we still have no proof that Nikki’s cousin’s friend’s testicles were ever swollen, we now have more research to suggest that Covid-19 affects the male reproductive system. Scientists studying the effects of the virus on rhesus macaques have found evidence that the virus infects the penis, prostate, and testicles, which might explain the variety of symptoms from erectile dysfunction to low sperm count that some men have suffered after recovering from Covid.
Researchers at Tulane’s National Primate Research Center used positron emission tomography technology to track how the virus works its way through the body and how it is eventually cleared. They were expecting to find the virus in places like the lungs but were surprised when the monkeys’ penises and testicles were lit up like Christmas trees on the scans. Biologist Thomas Hope, the study’s lead author, told the New York Times, “The signal that jumped out at us was the complete spread through the male genital tract. We had no idea we would find it there.”
The researchers do not know whether the monkeys had any reproductive health symptoms like pain or sexual dysfunction, but they think this discovery may be a first step in understanding—and ultimately treating—the symptoms human males have been experiencing. Research has already found that men who have been infected with the virus are three to six times more likely than those who haven’t to develop erectile dysfunction (ED). Other symptoms include testicular pain, decreased fertility, and low testosterone production (which can lead to even more symptoms like low sex drive).
One anonymous emailer to the podcast “How to Do It” insisted that in addition to experiencing ED, his penis actually shrunk. He said the ED got better with medication, but his King Kong dong had lost both length and girth. The current consensus is that the virus-dick connection lies in the vascular system or more specifically in the endothelium, a layer of cells that line blood vessels throughout the body. Damage to these cells can affect many organs, and it makes sense that it could hamper erections since those are caused by blood flowing to the penis.
The monkey study, however, may suggest that Covid-19’s penis attacks are more head on. Other viruses have caused damage by directly infecting the reproductive system. Dr. Hope mentioned both Zika and Ebola and noted that historically the Mumps were famous for causing sterility. Hope and his colleagues say their next step is to see if the testicles become a reservoir where the virus can hang out long term.
In the meantime, Dr. Hope and human penis doctors agree that the best way to protect the family jewels is to get vaccinated. Anyone who is experiencing symptoms should seek help because there are things that can be done to improve blood flow, increase testosterone levels, and even get a little length back. (This last part involves a penis vacuum, but if reenactment-heavy reality show Sex Sent Me to the ER has taught us anything, it’s don’t stick your dick in your Dyson.)
Are Space Sexologists Necessary?
First, we had billionaires hurtling themselves into orbit in rockets shaped like the Hitachi magic wand, then we had a sex toy company launching its product into space and vowing to be the first to make toys designed for zero gravity, and now we have a group of professors arguing that it’s time for NASA to start hiring sexologists.
In “The Case for Space Sexology,” published in The Journal of Sex Research in December, the Canadian professors argue that long-term space travel may be detrimental to astronauts, billionaires, and all future rocket-people. They worry that extended time in space might damage sexual and reproductive function and have a detrimental impact on psychological health because a lack of privacy means no solo or partnered sex. They write: “Together, this may jeopardize the health and well-being of space inhabitants, crew performance, and mission success.”
According to the authors, the real problem is that we just don’t know anything about sex in space. Their paper is designed to draw attention to the lack of research and sound the alarm: “This situation is untenable considering our upcoming space missions and expansion. It is time for space organizations to embrace a new discipline, space sexology: the scientific study of extraterrestrial intimacy and sexuality.”
Though some headlines have suggested that NASA is onboard with their plan, I won’t be applying for a job at the space agency any time soon. A NASA spokesperson said: “We are primarily concerned with ensuring crew members’ health and safety in space for long periods of time. Should a future need for more in-depth study on reproductive health in space be identified, NASA would take the appropriate steps.” That sounds less like an enthusiastic endorsement and more like a verbal eye-roll.
It’s also telling that the rep only talked about reproduction, not sex. I take this to mean that if/when the sci-fi premise of no more children born on earth becomes true, the agency would consider continuing the human race amongst the stars, but they’d be inclined to skip the sex and go straight to IVF.
Perhaps I’m short-sighted, but there is still so much terrestrial work on sexual health and pleasure to be done that I’m not entirely disappointed by NASA’s brush-off. For those who are, however, may I suggest the 1990s-soft-core-cable series Emmanuelle in Space. The complete DVD collection is available on Amazon for a mere $399.95.