Don't Eat It, Tyler

There's No Plan B in Your Pregnancy Test

Two updates to last week’s newsletter before we dive into Iowa’s sex ed revisions and the sperm motility of mice. A reader pointed that I got an important detail wrong in my rant on Judge Matthew Kacsmaryk, who may be writing the decision to rescind the FDA’s 20-year-old approval of Mifepristone as we speak.

I said that while the other drug used in medication abortions, Misoprostol, was approved for numerous uses, Mifepristone just did this one thing. That’s not correct. In 2012 Mifepristone did get FDA approval for use in patients with Cushing’s Syndrome, and it is in clinical trials for breast cancer, post-traumatic stress disorder, and depression. Many experts believe the drug, which blocks cortisol in addition to progesterone, could potentially have many uses.

This only makes Kacsmaryk’s ruling potentially more confusing. What happens to these clinical trials or the patients taking it for Cushing’s if he declares the FDA’s original approval of the drug null and void?

The other update is just silly. Half an hour before the issue went out, I got an email from the founders of Squeaky Clean Sex Toys who wanted to know if I had any interest in writing about their new company. Is it possible that—in addition to being web designing entrepreneurs, Dan and Lisa (who are not named Dan and Lisa but prefer to use pseudonyms in the press)—have a side hustle as psychics?

I think they were happy with my story, which I based mostly on other media stories, but their email added a few details that I wanted to share. The site is heavily moderated with every listing approved by a human, and they say they reject as many listings as they accept in order to make sure that all toys are non-porous, body-safe, sanitized, and made by premium brands. (I’m guessing my first vibrator from Spencer’s would not make the cut.)

I also wanted to share their logo because: Sexy Duck.

If she uses a pseudonym, I think it should be Simone. Simone the Sexy Duck.

🎶 Rubber Ducky you’re the one, you make bath time lots of fun, rubber ducky, I’m awfully fond of you… 🎶

Taking HIV Out of Sex Education in Iowa

Iowa Republicans, including state lawmakers and Governor Kim Reynold, have taken a red pen to the existing law that dictates what can and cannot be taught in the state. The proposed revisions are not limited to sex education; they also ease foreign language requirements and require students to pass the most recent U.S. citizenship test with a 70% or above to graduate. As always, however, the changes to sex ed—which include prohibiting teaching about gender identity to younger students and removing all mention of AIDS—are getting much of the media attention.

If the changes go into effect, schools in the state would not be allowed to teach about gender identity until after 3^rd grade. New language also says that schools cannot use nicknames or pronouns that don’t match the child’s sex as stated on official documents unless they get parental permission. Moreover, schools would be required to notify parents immediately if an employee suspects that a child has expressed a gender identity that is different from their biological sex.  

There’s an air of absurdity to these rules. Does the school have to call home every time a biologically male students wears eyeliner? Even if he’s known to be emo? (I checked that one with the 7^th grader, this is the right term.) What if it’s in drama class? If someone who was assigned female at birth wears a football jersey, camo pants, and combat boots to school, does that warrant a call to mommy (or just the fashion police)? Would Sam, Alex, and Charlie be forced to go by Samantha, Alexandra, and Charlotte because that’s what appears on their birth certificates next to the word “female?”  

But, of course, there’s nothing actually funny about this.

Not respecting a student’s identity is cruel and can have a detrimental impact on their mental health. Recent research found that over half (52%) of trans and nonbinary youth had seriously considered suicide in the year prior to the survey, and one out of five had attempted suicide. The good news is that using their authentic names and pronouns has been shown to help reduce mental health issues and suicidal ideations.

Instead, school officials in Iowa will be forced to out gender non-conforming kids to their parents which can be dangerous. The law does say that if school employees fear that telling parents of suspected gender identity issues could lead to child abuse, the school should instead inform social services. Nice try, but there’s no way school employees can really know which households will laugh about the nail polish that prompted a call from the principal’s office and which kid will get beaten and/or kicked out for asking their biology teacher to use they/them pronouns.

The other sex ed changes seem somewhat random and are haphazardly applied in different drafts of the bill. They involve the following sentence from the existing legislation:

The health curriculum shall include age-appropriate and research-based information regarding the characteristics of sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV and the availability of a vaccine to prevent HPV, and acquired immune deficiency syndrome.

Representative Jeff Shipley (R-Fairfield) is opposed to all vaccines. According to Iowa Starting Line, Shipley once said he wanted to suck the toes of women who resisted getting the Covid-19 vaccine. (As a thank you?) He does not want kids in Iowa to know that there is an HPV vaccine, so his proposed version of the legislation simply strikes out the phrase “and the availability of a vaccine to prevent HPV.” Presumably, this version would allow young people to learn about the existence of HPV. And since it leaves the rest of the section untouched, it would likely not affect what students are learning about HIV/AIDS.

The governor’s office seems to have released two proposed versions of the bill. One of them leaves the HPV portion of that sentence untouched meaning schools would still have to teach about the infection and the vaccine while the other one strikes mention of HPV from the sentence altogether. This could mean that HPV can’t be discussed at all. Alternatively, it could just mean that the governor assumes HPV is covered under phrase “sexually transmitted diseases” and doesn’t need to be called out specifically. In that case, lessons would not need to change.

Both versions of the governor’s bill strike out the phrase acquired immune deficiency syndrome (also known as AIDS) which, again, could mean Reynolds does not want kids learning about HIV/AIDS, or it could mean that he thinks the topic is automatically included under the heading of STDs.  

In some ways, HIV has been the least controversial topic in sex education for years. Since the mid-1980s—when this new, deadly STD was discovered—there has been a general consensus that students need to know about it. Most states passed laws mandating that instruction on HIV/AIDS be included somewhere in the curriculum. What that instruction included has been widely varied, as the arguments over whether teens should be taught about prevention methods or simply told not to have sex continue unabated. Still, we have not seen many states attempt to eliminate teaching on HIV/AIDS even now as scientific advances have meant that HIV is no longer a death sentence.  

It's unclear if/why Reynolds wants to strike out AIDS education from Iowa schools or why two versions of the bill conflict regarding HPV. Iowa has a strong coalition of advocates for comprehensive sex education that managed to get eight positive laws introduced in 2019 (though none of them were ultimately passed by the legislature). Hopefully, these advocates can talk Reynolds into putting away his red pen and, at the very least, not making sex education in the state worse, especially for transgender kids.   

No More Swimmers; Another Potential Male Birth Control Succeeds in Mice

Researchers at Weill Cornell Medicine may have cracked the elusive code on how to make a male contraceptive method that has few side effects and is easily reversible. In a paper published in the journal Nature Communications, they identify an enzyme that sperm need in order to swim and say they’ve had success temporarily turning this off in mice.

The research began with a story that I—as someone who is terrified of rodents no matter how small they are—can appreciate. A graduate student wanted to test a possible treatment for an eye disorder on mice, only she was afraid of mice. (One might question her choice of professions, but who are we to judge?) She asked Melanie Balbach, another graduate student in the lab, to help her administer the drug. Balbach, who knew the eye medicine acted on an enzyme that played a role in male fertility, agreed on one condition—that she could also check the mice’s sperm. (Clearly, Ms. Balbach had no fear of getting up close and personal with mice.)

She found the drug immobilized sperm, “slowing their fast-beating tail to a twitch.” Immobilizing sperm is actually how some spermicides work. Remember, sperm have a long trip through the vagina, the cervix, and the fallopian tubes before they can find an egg to fertilize. That 5-to-7-inch journey can be done in 15 minutes by a microscopic Michael Phelps, but some of his less fit friends take 45 minutes to make the journey, and many others tire out or get lost before getting anywhere near the egg. Without their speedy tails, however, none of them would ever make it.

Further research on the eye medication found that it was fast acting (it worked on sperm within 15 minutes), temporary (sperm were back to normal within several hours), and effective. The drug was 100% effective in preventing pregnancy up to 2.5 hours after the drug was given and 91% effective up to 3.5 hours.

The researchers hope this translates into a human version that can prevent pregnancy as soon as half an hour after taking it and wears off on its own within a couple of days. This would certainly be better than some of the methods of male contraception that are in various stages of development, many of which take several weeks to work, and at least one requires a follow-up injection to the testicle in order to reverse it. The study does not say how the drug might be administered in humans, but if it doesn’t require the testicles to endure injections, hot magnets, or sonic baths—it will likely be a hit with consumers. 

Still, we are many years away from this gaining approval for use in humans. While the enzyme is the same across all mammals, we don’t know if the drug will work the same way in people as it did in mice. Before the researchers even try it on men, however, they are launching a new study to see if it has the same effect in rabbits.

Good choice,  as they’re known to boff like bunnies.

It’s Not a Secret EC Pill; Rumors Swirl Online About Pregnancy Kits

An old rumor (or is it a conspiracy theory) about pregnancy tests resurfaced last month with a compilation video of men cracking open the stick their partners may or may not have peed on and finding a small tablet. The latest video was posted by a guy named Tyler who captioned it “I found a hidden plan B in a pregnancy test.”

No, Tyler, you didn’t. You found a desiccant disk designed to absorb moisture to keep the pregnancy test fresh.

We’ve all seen this kind of technology in other forms—often a small sachet of silicone beads. They comes in everything from pill bottles to shoe boxes to packages of dog treats. Basically, some form of this technology goes in anything that shouldn’t get wet but may sit on the shelf for a long time.

Tyler isn’t the only one who decided that the disk—which does look like a pill—was Plan B. This rumor started in 2019 and has been posted numerous times.

What I can’t quite figure out is the why (or supposed why) of this conspiracy theory. Why would a brand like First Response or Clear Blue Easy pop a Plan B pill in the package? If you’re already testing for pregnancy, you’re beyond the point at which emergency contraception would work as Plan B cannot end an established pregnancy, so there’s no point in throwing that in. Not to mention, Plan B sells for as much as $50, so putting a free one in every $8 pregnancy test would be awfully generous.

I suppose this theory could be working off of misinformation. Tyler and his friends might be confusing Plan B with Mifepristone (part of the medication abortion protocol) and suggesting that these companies are giving users who are pregnant and don’t want to be an instant way out. That’s not how it f**king works. Medication abortion involves two medications and multiple pills that are not available without a prescription.

If Mifepristone stays on the market (see last week) AND becomes available without a prescription AND the whole protocol is reduced to just one tablet, I suppose it could be packaged with pregnancy tests someday though I would hope that the companies would not store it in the part of the test that gets peed on.

In the meantime, I would suggest people don’t bother opening up their pregnancy test stick, but if you do, please, please, please, do not swallow any tablet you may find in there. It’s not Plan B and it’s not meant for human consumption. This anti-moisture technology comes in many forms but all of them say very clearly “DO NOT EAT!”