Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina Candle Spontaneously Combusts
It’s Inauguration Day! At noon, we will have an administration with a plan for how to get the pandemic under control based on public health, a plan for climate change based on science, and plans for racial justice and immigration based on human rights. According to his chief of staff, Biden will cancel the Keystone Pipeline, rejoin the Paris climate change agreement, reverse Trump’s travel ban, and require masks on federal property. Today. That’s what he’s doing today. Tomorrow he will focus on economic relief to working families, and next week he will take action to expand health care, support communities of color, and “restore dignity to our immigration system and our border policies.” These are complicated problems that he can’t fix overnight and with tight margins in the House and Senate, there will undoubtedly be pushback on some of the more ambitious ideas. But Donald Trump did a lot by executive order and Biden can undo it in the same way. I feel like we can breathe deeply now. We have a functional government in place; people who know how to do their jobs and have a real interest in doing them. The “deep state” that Trump derided so many times is actually just a lot of committed public servants who know how hard it is to run a country. I, for one, am delighted to have them back.
More Proof That the Pill Protects Against Cancer (Even After You Stop Taking It)
There are benefits to taking birth control pills that go beyond preventing pregnancy. Many pill takers enjoy fewer PMS symptoms, less cramping, lighter flow, and help with acne. Research has also shown that taking the pill can actually reduce a person’s risk of ovarian and endometrial cancers. A study released at the end of last year not only confirms these findings but suggests that this protective benefit could last for decades after a person stops taking birth control.
The study, published in Cancer Research, included data from over 250,000 women born in Britain between 1939 and 1970. About 80% of people included in the study had used birth control pills at some point in their lives. Length of pill use ranged from one year to 48 years, but the average participant was on the pill for about a decade. The analysis showed that those who had ever used the pill were significantly less likely to develop ovarian or endometrial cancers when compared to never users.
More notable, however, was how long the protective factor lasted. One of the study’s authors explained in a release: “It was clear that women who had used oral contraceptive pills had a much lower risk of developing both ovarian and endometrial cancer. Fifteen years after discontinuing with oral contraceptives, the risk was about 50 per cent lower. However, a decreased risk was still detected up to 30-35 years after discontinuation."
The exact mechanism of protection is not known, but experts agree that cutting down on the number of times a person ovulates can limit the hormones they are exposed to as well as cellular changes to the surface of the ovaries, both of which can limit the risk of cancer.
Bringing down ovarian cancer risk is particularly important because there are no real screening tests and few early symptoms which makes detection a challenge. In fact, more than 75% of people diagnosed with ovarian cancer are diagnosed in later stages. While there are no standard screening tests for endometrial cancer, it often causes vaginal bleeding and as such is usually diagnosed earlier.
This study also looked at the impact of pill use on the risk of breast cancer. There has been a lot of conflicting information about the relationship between birth control and breast cancer, and the truth is this study may add to that confusion. The researchers did find a small increased risk of breast cancer among pill users but since the risk disappeared within a few years of stopping the pill, the analysis ultimately found that the lifetime risk of breast cancer did not change between ever pill users and never pill users.
Anyone using or considering the pill who has concerns about their personal cancer risk should check in with a health care provider.
Should You Add “Vaccinated” to Your Dating Profile?
My dating days ended before dating apps were a thing. To put it in perspective, I didn’t even have an email address when I met my husband and he was carrying a beeper. I admit I am grateful for having been spared the special torture of writing a dating profile—a sales pitch complete with photos to prove that I’m pretty but not high maintenance, smart but not snobby, witty but not overly sarcastic, caring but not a pushover, and fun but not frivolous. Apparently, if I were writing one today, I would also have to tread a fine line in deciding whether to add that I’d been vaccinated.
Spokespeople for top dating apps told Vice they’ve been seeing a clear trend. Bumble reported a steady rise in the use of the word “vaccine” or “vaccinated” on profiles. Tinder says that mentions of vaccines in bios have gone up 238 percent since November or December, however, not of these were people saying they’ve gotten the vaccine. The stat includes quotes like, “when I get that second dose it's over for y'all" and "if you believe in the 5 second rule...don't worry about what's in the vaccine.” And, gay dating apps like Jack’d and Grindr have seen usernames changed to things like “vaccinated top” or “vaccinated and horny.”
Erica Ettin, the founder of A Little Nudge, a company that helps people write their dating profiles, offered some playful ways that people could add vaccine status to their bios. She recommended tags like “vaccinated and vacation-ready” or posting a picture of your post-vaccine arm with the caption “COVID-19 Super Stopper.” In a column for Tribune News Service, Ettin writes: “Adding your vaccinated status to your profile may make you more popular than ever on dating apps, especially among others who have gotten the shot. In addition to people respecting you for doing your part in ending the pandemic, they’ll be more than thrilled to meet someone they can feel safe with.” But, she admits, she’s still not sure whether to recommend people add vaccine information to their profiles: “…is getting the vaccine something to brag about, or should it simply be the baseline?”
Bragging is part of the problem, at least right now. In an article for GQ, Danielle Cohen writes that the vaccine brag is enough to make her want to swipe right (or is it left). First, because we don’t yet know whether the vaccine prevents people from spreading Covid-19 this “safe date” label feels premature at best. More important, though, she adds that it feels tone-deaf “…given how catastrophically the distribution process is already going.” Sierra, an international development consultant quoted in the GQ article, agreed: “If you’re flaunting the vax on your profile, I would probably think you’re a dick. So few people have it and it’s a lame thing to brag about.”
Okay, so the mixed advice seems to add up to this—don’t mention it yet because it makes you seem like a jerk who is more concerned with their own health (and getting laid now) than the fact that the pandemic is still raging across the country; maybe put a pic of your band-aid on your profile in a few months to prove you’re doing your part; but definitely take it down after that because you wouldn’t advertise your flu shot or negative gonorrhea test.
I’m still a little confused, but at least I know that if I ever do need an online dating profile, I can hire someone to write it for me.
Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina Candle Explodes
A candle that supposedly smells like Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina exploded in a UK woman’s home recently leaving her stunned and the rest of us laughing pretty hard. You see, Paltrow’s lifestyle brand, Goop, is kind of obsessed with vulvas and vaginas but every time the actress/guru talks about this favorite body part, she gets something wrong.
Remember when she suggested that steaming them out by squatting over hot mugwort was great for vaginal health (nope, vaginas clean themselves and steam can burn the sensitive skin). Or, when she sold $66 eggs—one made of jade and the other of quartz—and promised that sticking them up our vaginas would balance our hormones, regulate our cycles, and increase bladder control (nope, but they might cause toxic shock syndrome if you leave them up there too long). The eggs was included in a group of over 50 false or misleading claims that led to $145k of fines from the California Attorney General’s office. But, hey, if enough people bought the site’s $15,000 gold vibrator, that fine was undoubtedly covered in no time.
And, then there’s the candle which is actually called “This Smells Like My Vagina.” Apparently, Paltrow and her perfumer, Douglas Little, were working on candle scents and upon smelling this one, the actress exclaimed “Uhh, this smells like a vagina.” They ran with it. The copy on the site refers to it as a “funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent” which includes geranium, cedar, and Damask rose.
Though I can’t see myself spending $75 on any candle, I don’t have a problem with this one. Goop is not suggesting anyone stick it up their vagina or squat over it to enjoy some random healing properties. It could be good for someone to suggest that vaginas smell nice as many people with vaginas worry about their smell and a whole industry of feminine deodorant products exists to reinforce these fears. (Read this article I wrote about why vulvas and vaginas should smell like vulvas and vaginas.)
Of course, I’m pretty sure that candles, regardless of what they smell like, are not supposed to explode into a fireball. The UK woman, who says she did not buy but won the candle, described the scene as an “inferno in the room” with huge flames and bits flying everywhere. She and her partner were able to throw the candle outside before it did too much damage. And, now she admits she has a great story to tell: “It could have burned the place down. It was scary at the time, but funny looking back that Gwyneth’s vagina candle exploded in my living room.”
Spontaneous combustion is funny, spontaneous combustion of Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina is even funnier. (If you want the full story on Goop, check out this fabulous profile in the New York Times Magazine.)