It's a Vibrator, Jackass

Workers Complain about "Personal Massager" in Gift Bag

Last week’s issue of Sex on Wednesday was outdated (for the better) within moments of hitting your inbox when Oberlin College administrators announced they’d found a different partner for reproductive health care. The change was made after it became clear that Harness Health Partners, a subsidiary of Catholic health system Bon Secours Mercy, would not give students true sexual health services.

Under the new plan, Harness Health Partners will still staff the student health center and provide basic services, such as taping sprained ankles, swabbing strep-ridden throats, and bringing students back from the brink of alcohol poisoning. (Admittedly, I’m just guessing at the types of non-sexual problems college health centers might deal with these days, but this list seems plausible.) Sexual and reproductive services will be provided by Family Planning Services of Lorain County. Staff from the agency will be on campus three days a week, and the school will offer transportation to the clinic on the other two days. The agency is also considering offering telehealth visits to students.

Oberlin administrators swear that they aren’t bowing to public pressure and that—despite having fired all health center staff and chosen a religiously affiliated partner—it was never their intention to stop providing reproductive health services or gender-affirming care. In a statement on Wednesday, administrators wrote: “Our change of course had everything to do with Bon Secours' decision not to honor our contract, and nothing to do with outside critique.”

The local paper had no trouble finding out that Harness Health doesn’t do sex stuff. So either this explanation is false, or Oberlin officials didn’t do their summer homework. My money is on scads of phone calls from liberal alums threatening to withhold any and all further contributions, but I suppose the reasons for the switch don’t matter as long as the contraceptive needs of students will actually be met. Thank you Family Planning Services of Lorain County.

Yes, It’s a Vibrator, Get Over It (Or Under It)

City workers in Dallas, Texas got a vibrator in a goodie bag last week. Now, some of them are complaining that it’s an inappropriate gift while city officials are defending it as a “personal massager” meant for non-genital body parts, and the rest of us are shaking our heads wondering how a bullet vibe could be this controversial in 2022.

The swag was given out at a health expo for city workers that included mammogram screenings, nutrition counseling, and a blood drive, as well as chair massages and advice on how to decrease stress at work. Attendees left with a bag that had a cooling towel, a pamphlet on fitness and nutrition, and the controversial buzzing object inside.

The bag was apparently also dropped off at firehouses across the city, and members of the Dallas Fire Fighters Association were not pleased. Jim McDade, head of the union, said that he had received a number of complaints from members saying this was inappropriate. He told the Dallas Morning News: “It’s very clear what it is and what it’s for, and I don’t think it should be distributed to city employees. Our members want to know why it was approved to send sex toys to every fire station.” The union is considering filing a formal complaint.

Other city workers were more amused than annoyed. Mike Mata, president of the Dallas Police Association, said he assumed the city’s intentions were good, but thought people could make “inappropriate inferences.” Terrance Hopkins, president of the Black Police Association, on the other hand, said he received no complaints, “just laughs.”

Instead of telling employees to relax and suggesting they’d been given just the tool to do it, the city fell back on the language of Sharper Image catalogues from the 1980s and referred to the device as a personal massager. Deputy City Manager Kim Bizor Tolbert, told the media: “If you’re sitting at your desk working all day and you can’t get away, you use it for massaging your neck or your feet or other parts of your body that might be aching. People have taken this to the extreme, and they need to get their mind out of the gutter.”

First, to be clear, this is a vibrator. It even has changeable tips to provide different sensations…to your clitoris.   

Second, owning or using a vibrator does not mean your mind is in the gutter. A 2009 study found that 52% of women in the U.S. used a vibrator at some point in their lives and that it was good for them. The study found that recent vibrator users scored higher in most areas of sexual function including desire, arousal, lubrication, and orgasm. Sex toys have only gotten more popular since that study was published with the rise of online sales and companies specializing in designing toys for women.

The U.S. sex toy market is estimated to reach $7.9 billion in sales this year and 80% of it will be from vibrators. Let’s not pretend we don’t know what a vibrator is, people. Somebody has to be doing the buying.  

There is nothing scandalous about owning a vibrator, and I’m sure lots of people would be thrilled to get one for free. Granted, this is far from the best small vibrator on the market, but it’s certainly better than getting yet another plastic water bottle with someone’s logo on it.

Might it be time for the Dallas firefighters to chill?

Nurse Practitioner Sues HHS for Coverage of Natural Family Planning Education

Last week I told you about John Kelley, the orthodontist who is suing the U.S. government over the Affordable Care Act’s (ACA’s) requirement that insurance companies cover preventative services like birth control and PrEP. Kelley argued that he wasn’t just cheap (His wife didn’t need birth control so why should he pay?), he was Christian (and, therefore, morally opposed to the behaviors that put someone at risk for HIV). This week we have another lawsuit backed by a Christian legal defense group that takes aim at the same provision of ACA but from an entirely different angle.

Cami Jo Tice-Harouff is a nurse practitioner who specializes in educating patients about fertility-based awareness methods (FBAMs). The ACA birth control provision originally included FBAM education sessions among the methods that needed to be covered by insurance companies. In 2021, however, the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) released new guidelines that effectively removed FBAMs from the list of covered methods. With the help of the non-profit, Christian group Alliance Defending Freedom (ADF), Tice-Harouff is suing HHS on the grounds that it did not provide adequate notice of the change nor give those affected by it time to comment as required by law.

Tice-Harouff says that she sees patients of all faiths who are displeased with other options, most of which contain hormones, and want to learn more about FBAMs. She provides up to six educational sessions and is reimbursed at a rate of $300 to $400 per session.

Once called natural family planning or the rhythm method, FBAMs work on the idea that uterus owners can only get pregnant during a few days each month. If you can identify that fertile period, you can strategically avoid sex or use a backup method on just those days, do whatever you want the other days, and still not get knocked up. There is science behind FBAMs: research has found Cycle Beads to be effective, and the FDA approved Natural Cycles, an algorithm-based app, as a method of contraception.

These methods still make me nervous, however, because they are user-intensive and require knowledge of menstrual cycles, cervical mucus (hello Cecily), body temperature, and other health issues, and most people who use them do not get six hours of training from a nurse practitioner. Moreover, users have to input data daily in order to accurately predict their cycle which requires ongoing dedication.

In this era of more and more abortion restriction, I like my birth control to ask almost nothing of the user (hello contraceptive implants). That said, I would rather people who are going to use FBAMs do so under the guidance of someone like Tice-Harouff than that of Dr. Google alone.

A Texas judge issued an injunction against the new regulations after agreeing with ADF that HHS had failed to give adequate notice. The injunction means that the 2016 regulations will still apply until “… it is changed through a final rule (not an interim final rule) issued after notice to the public and an opportunity to comment consistent with the Administrative Procedure Act.”  

I wonder if lawyers from ADF have been in touch with those representing John Kelley and his co-plaintiffs. On the surface, it looks like they’re all playing for the same right-wing team, but they’re clearly using different playbooks. If Kelley wins, Tice-Harouff’s claims will be moot, and she will never see another reimbursement check.