Sex is Not a Sin
But I Took the Day of Atonement Off
Welcome to Sex on Wednesday: Thursday Edition. Yesterday was Yom Kippur and while I haven’t been to a high holiday service since roughly 1986 (the year after my bat mitzvah), I do have my own little day of atonement ritual. I clean a closet and give a lot of stuff away. In my line of work, the concept of sin is a landmine of misplaced shame, so I try to avoid it altogether (though I can name a boatload of politicians who clearly have some atoning to do). Still, purging unneeded stuff is a great way to start any new year. I hope all of my friends and family who observed the holiday (whether by going to temple or organizing their garage) had an easy fast.
Condoms in a Hurricane
The biggest news story of last week was Hurricane Ian which crashed into the west coast of Florida leaving massive destruction in its wake. During the 24-hour cycle of storm news one reporter covered her microphone with a condom and viewers took note. Apparently, even when climate change is wreaking havoc on our planet, people notice penis-adjacent objects.
Viewers questioned what they were seeing. Other outlets reported on it, with one site zooming in on the piece of latex, nipple tip and all, saying “I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall in that news meeting as they inform Reporters and Photographers that they need to put condoms on before heading out in the storm.” Some outlets even tried to make it sound like a controversy with headlines like “Hurricane Ian reporter divides opinion after using condom to cover her microphone during 155mph storm.” Hard Factor tweeted the reporter’s on-air explanation with the caption “Reporter defends putting condom on mic….”
Having lost much of my faith in humanity in recent years, I braced myself for people calling condoms unacceptable and saying that putting one on any phallic object on air would corrupt the children. After all, we live in a world in which condoms in the box can only be advertised well after dark.
Thankfully, the reaction was tamer than that. Most people who took to twitter were unfazed (though they did think it was tweet-worthy). Some questioned why it was necessary: “Been watching the weather channel people all day not having a problem with their microphones, they don’t need condoms.” Others wondered why there wasn’t another way to protect important equipment: “It’s 2022. No one has taken the time to develop something specifically for this?” Perhaps the wisest tweeter, however, asked why reporters had to be out in the middle of a dangerous storm at all. (My biggest questions was how her perfectly winged eyeliner survived the wind and rain without a condom.)
The reporter, NBC’s Kayla Galer, was matter of fact when she explained it to viewers: “A lot of people are asking what is on my microphone. It is what you think it is. It is a condom. There is a lot of wind, there is a lot of rain. We gotta do what we gotta do, and that is the condom on the microphone.”
I think the message here is that if it’s good enough for your Dick, it’s good enough for your Mike.
Some Good News from School Districts
On the likely chance that some of you have all but lost your faith in humanity as well, I thought I would share two stories of school districts doing the right thing about sex education.
Pittsburgh’s school board voted unanimously to update the district’s sexuality education policy for the first time in over ten years. The old policy may have been left over from the days when both the feds and state governments were pouring money into strict abstinence-only-until-marriage programs because it described abstinence as the “expected norm.”
Among the other obvious flaws with this concept (such as it not being true) is the impact it could have on victims of sexual assault or abuse. Melissa Moore of Pittsburgh Action Against Rape (PARR), one of the advocacy groups working to change the policy, explained to the board that abstinence “… being taught as the expected norm puts a negative connotation on sex and may contribute to survivors of sexual abuse experiencing further shame and guilt, now viewing themselves as bad for having experienced sexual activity.”
PARR, Planned Parenthood of Western Pennsylvania, members of University of Pittsburgh’s School of Public Health, and students all came together as the Black Girls Equity Alliance to advocate for significant changes to the city’s sex ed policy. The advocates argued that while the existing policy called itself comprehensive, it did not mention either sexual orientation or gender identity.
The new policy is described as comprehensive, developmentally appropriate, medically accurate, inclusive, anti-racist and culturally responsive, and it seems to live up to that at least on paper. Under the policy, sexuality education starts in kindergarten, goes through graduation, and covers consent, anatomy, gender identity and expression, sexual orientation and identity, sexual health, and interpersonal violence.
A school district in Wisconsin adopted a similar curriculum over the summer and then successfully defended its decision when one member offered a motion to rescind it in the name of parental choice.
The curriculum adopted by the Wauwatosa School Board defines gender and gender roles for elementary students, helps them properly name body parts (Nope, that’s not your weewee.), and teaches about consent in an everyday context (because bodily autonomy is a big issue at recess). Middle schoolers will learn about different gender identities and sexual orientations. (If Wauwatosa middle schoolers are anything like the ones who hang out at my house, they’re all already talking about it, a lot.) High schoolers will learn more about gender and orientation, discuss relationship violence, analyze information on social media, and hear all about safer sex (which may actually be a little late for some).
The public comment session in August was apparently divisive and lasted over four hours, but in the end the Board voted to approve the curriculum. School Board Member Michael Meier, however, questioned that outcome. Meier was worried that the state-mandated opt-out policy (which says any parent can choose to take their child out of these classes) wasn’t enough and that parents should have more choice: “Other people of goodwill, concerned for their children and their heartfelt beliefs, wanted something different.”
Late last month, Meiers offered up a motion to rescind the August decision, but it died when none of his fellow board members seconded the motion.
Joe Budden Admits to Faking Condom Use
Rapper-turned-podcast-host Joe Budden got himself in hot water this week when he told his listeners that he had faked condom use in the past. In an episode that has since been taken down from all streaming platforms, Budden joked, “Even I done walked in the corner and faked like I was putting a condom on before.” He added that the before faking it entirely, he used to intentionally bust through his latex barriers.
I’m calling bulls**t on that last claim. I have no idea how large Joe is, but I can tell you that unless his penis is hiding Wolverine-like claws, he’s not busting through something that can stretch to fit a basketball.
I’m willing to take him at his word, however, when he says that he pretended to use a condom and then proceeded to have unprotected sex with women who had consented on the belief that they were being shielded from STIs and pregnancy.
As the women of twitter promptly pointed out, this is not okay. We’ve discussed stealthing a few times. It’s when someone pokes holes in a condom or removes it without their partner’s knowledge. One legal scholar calls it a “rape-adjacent” behavior, and legislators are starting to take note. Last year, California became the first state to officially make stealthing a crime, while New York and Wisconsin considered similar legislation.
These laws are specific to condoms that are removed or tampered with and don’t actually cover (pun simultaneously intended and regretted) the partner who simply lies about having put it on in the first place. They should. After all, the perpetrator’s intentions are the same (getting away with having unprotected sex with a partner who might have said no), as are the results for the victim (a seemingly consensual sexual experience becomes a violation of autonomy).
Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem out of character for Budden who is best known for the song “Pump it Up.” Three former girlfriends have accused him of violence; two of them said he threw them down a flight of stairs, and one said his violence caused a miscarriage. While Budden has never been convicted of domestic violence, in one case—in which he was charged with robbery, grand larceny, and criminal obstruction of breathing—he pled guilty to disorderly conduct which is not a crime. When that deal was announced, Budden tweeted “Let this be a lesson to all….. Gotta watch these hoes… They’ll catch u up if u let’em.”
Ugh. At this point, it would be great if no one agrees to have sex with him ever again whether he says he’s wearing a condom or not, but at the very least, I hope that anyone considering it insists on a thorough visual inspection of his condom-clad member.