Smearing Right

Focus on the Family Gets Vandalized

On Thanksgiving Day the large sign welcoming people (though clearly not all people) to Focus on the Family’s Colorado Springs campus was vandalized. The spray-painted graffiti said “You have blood on your hands. Five lives taken.” The message obviously referred to the five people who died on November 29th when a person with a gun fired on patrons of Club Q, a nearby gay bar (18 others were injured).

In a press release, those responsible for the vandalism wrote:

You may have seen various news outlets speaking about this tragedy as an issue of “gun control” or a “senseless act of violence,” but it is so important that we recognize this crime for what it was: a targeted act of hate…. It is no accident that this happened in Colorado Springs, a city steeped in homophobia, transphobia, and white supremacy. It is no surprise that someone did this in the city that is home to such a hateful organization as Focus on the Family.

They are absolutely goddam right. Focus on the Family has been spreading hate against the LGBTQ community for decades and it—along with “Don’t Say Gay” DeSantis, book-banning parents running amok across the country, and lawmakers trying to prevent trans kid from getting care—are totally complicit in this hate crime (as are the NRA, GOP, and anyone else opposed to sensible gun reforms, but that’s for another article).

When I first got to SIECUS in 1998, one of my tasks was to track the activities of far right organizations opposed to sex education. Focus on the Family (FoF) was definitely one of the biggest/wealthiest. I used to marvel at how often the organization—which was so large or at least responsible for so much mail that it had its own zip code—name-checked SIECUS and referred to us as a powerful foe. I took it as a compliment but also wished we had nearly as much money and influence as was suggested. (At the time there were about 12 of us to their 700 or so employees.)

FoF was founded in 1977 by James Dobson, an Evangelical Christian author and psychologist who rose to fame with his book Dare to Discipline which asked parents to reject the permissiveness of the 1970s in favor of strict childrearing. Dobson wielded a good deal of political power in part because of his long-running radio show offering advice to parents that reportedly has millions of listeners worldwide. (The only decent advice I ever heard him give was about masturbation in which he basically admitted trying to stop it was a fool’s errand and suggested that parents not bother.)

Dobson has long suggested that being gay is wrong. He is against same-sex marriage and has said that gay people can be committed to each other, “but they cannot be a family.” And yes, he compared the so-called homosexual agenda to the Nazis (because all unimaginative people trot out the Nazis eventually).  

FoF was active in the ex-gay movement, which was something between an ad campaign and a crusade designed to convince Christian men (I suppose lesbians were included but women were a bit of an afterthought) that they didn’t have to give in to being gay. The organization ran Love Won Out, a ministry that offered conversion/reparative therapy—a discredited form of “treatment” that believes being gay is a mental illness and offers everything from bible study to aversion electric shock therapy as a “cure.” John Paulk and his wife, who wrote a book subtitled “The Remarkably Story of How One Man Overcame Homosexuality,” served as the public face of the ministry.

According to Love Won Out, same-sex attraction is actually a gender-identity issue caused by a “dominant mother with a quiet, withdrawn, non-expressive and/or hostile father, and an introverted, artistic, imaginative son.” It ran conferences across the country promising all of those introverted, artistic, imaginative men that “same-sex attraction is a preventable and treatable condition.”

The conferences also offered help figuring out if your schools were advancing a “pro-gay agenda” and working to stop it. Somewhere in the far recesses of my memory, I recall a workshop designed for parents who were worried that their sons might be gay. If memory serves me right (and it may not, given the big birthday I just had), the session suggested that parents be on the look at for feminine dress and behaviors like interest in fashion. (Again, this was all about the boys.)

Like most of the ex-gay movement, Love Won Out went up in a puff of rent-boys, gay trysts, genuine apologies, and (hopefully) glitter. Around 2009, FoF sold it to Exodus International which was then the largest ex-gay ministry. The conferences were rebranded under the name True Story. In a surprising plot twist, Exodus International closed its doors in 2013 not because it ran out of money or introverted, artistic, imaginative men to manipulate, but because its leader, Allen Chambers, had change of heart.

Chambers apologized to the gay community and explained: “Today it is as if I’ve just woken up to a greater sense of how painful it is to be a sinner in the hands of an angry church.” John Paulk offered a similar denouncement of his past work that same year: “Please allow me to be clear: I do not believe that reparative therapy changes sexual orientation; in fact, it does great harm to many people."  

Focus on the Family itself, however, has offered no such apology to the gay community, nor has it changed its view on homosexuality. The organization’s page on sexual orientation commiserates with Christian parents who fear being labeled homophobes just because they can’t abide by society’s seemingly rapid uptake of gayness. It offers them resources for when a child encounters homosexual ideology at school, when they suspect a child might be gay, and when (gasp) they have to tell family and friends that their child might be gay.

This is hate. It may be the worst kind of hate because it’s couched in “love the sinner, hate the sin” rhetoric that makes it sound like caring concern. But it’s not. It’s a giant neon sign screaming “being in gay is not normal,” “you should be worried about this,” and “there’s something wrong with those people.” To be clear, this same hate-filled neon sign flashes every time a politician introduces a bill banning discussions from a classroom (like a state representative from Colorado Springs just did) or a parent tries to pull gay-themed books from shelves.

Lacking any sense of irony, Focus on the Family’s current president, Jim Daly, denounced the vandalism by saying that this is a time when the community should come together and not a time to “spread hate.” I suppose we should expect nothing less from an organization with such a big name and narrow view of family.

Fear of Sex, A Post-Roe Reality

Match.com recently released it 12th annual Singles in America survey which asks 5,000 singles about dating, relationships, and sex. Among other things, this year’s survey shows that the Supreme Court’s abortion ruling is having an impact on all of these areas.  

To start, two-thirds of women say they will not date someone with opposing views on abortion (good policy IMHO). Moreover, 78% said the overturning of Roe v. Wade will change their dating and/or sexual behavior, 20% said it made them hesitant to have sex, and 14% said that it even made them hesitant to date. Without providing other numbers the dating app said the top three possible changes include more condom use, more sex hesitation, and more fear of pregnancy. The sad part is that these results are exactly what abortion opponents want—they say they’re just thinking of “the babies,” but the underlying goal has always been controlling women and preventing any sex that doesn’t conform to their worldview.

Other findings in the survey thankfully suggest they haven’t succeeded in changing attitudes or behaviors. Most of the respondents (70%) believe that sex improves their mental and physical health and 71% say they feel better afterwards. About a third of respondents (38%) say they are more interested in exploring their bodies and sexuality than they were before the pandemic. And while 57% of singles say they really do like the missionary position, others say they are open to new things such as acting out fantasies (31%), role-playing during sex (27%), demonstrating what they want to their partners (25%), and rough sex (24%).

That being robbed of the right to bodily autonomy brings new fears around sex and unintended pregnancy should surprise no one. An accidental pregnancy now feels like a trap because it can be one. That these singles are continuing to f**k their way through these fears and trying new things should also surprise no one. Sex is a natural and healthy part of life, even if you’re single. (Bravo for increasing condom use though).

What Not to Do Before Swiping Right; Doc Fired for Accessing Women’s Medical Records  

A sleep specialist in Kentucky has been fired and had his license suspended for five years for accessing the medical records of women who were not patients but potential dates. The doctor was caught by software used by his employer to detect exactly this kind of inappropriate accessing of medical records. The software documented him improperly looking up patient records—allegedly including mental health records— nine times.

Though he quibbled over the number, he admitted that after ending a relationship there were three instances in which he accessed records he shouldn’t have. His lawyer explained, “all instances related to women he was potentially interested in meeting through online dating apps, but no contact or relationship materialized."

Interestingly, this is not the first doctor employed by the same health system accused of this kind of poking around (in medical records that is). Earlier this year, the Deaconess Health System apologized to six women whose records had been inappropriately accessed. The women had all met the doctor in bars in and around Evanston, IL and given him enough personal information for him to start checking on their cholesterol levels and STI history.

I think we can understand the urge to do a quick Google search to make sure the person we just met for coffee isn’t a serial killer (though even Google isn’t always right on that one). Seeing if they’re lying about where they went to college is one thing, but checking the results of their last Pap test before swiping right (or should I say smearing right) is a big HIPAA no-no.