Because Space Porn
Plus, Matt Gaetz's Douchebaggery
In the latest installment of Representative Matt Gaetz’s douchebaggery, the Florida lawmaker told a room full of young people that abortion rights activists didn’t have to worry about pregnancy because they were all unf**kable (or maybe he meant they weren’t into men at all.)
Speaking at the Turning Point USA Student Action Summit in Tampa, Gaetz said:
“Why is it that the women with the least likelihood of getting pregnant are the ones most worried about having abortions? Nobody wants to impregnate you if you look like a thumb. These people are odious from the inside out. They're like 5′ 2″, 350 pounds, and they're like, 'Give me my abortions or I'll get up and march and protest.'"
He continued his fat-shaming rant by suggesting that these women should march to get themselves moving and maybe eat “a salad or something.”
Nothing Gaetz says should surprise us at this point as he has proven himself to be the embodiment of toxic masculine mediocrity with swipes at welfare recipients, the trans community, and the media. And he’s gone after pro-choice voters before. In May, he tweeted:
“How many of the women rallying against overturning Roe are over-educated, under-loved millennials who sadly return from protests to a lonely microwave dinner with their cats, and no bumble matches?”
I’m sure the audience laughed—these are young people who have likely grown up in the echo-chamber of Fox News—and that makes me sad for the young women in the room. Gaetz suggesting that the only people who would be concerned about their right to bodily autonomy are either lesbians or too ugly to get a man plays into a worldview that says being desired by men is the highest aspiration women can/should have.
Comments like these are part of the brainwashing that eventually gets us 50-something MAGA women holding “He can grab my pussy anytime” signs at Trump rallies. This line of thinking degrades women, reduces us to our physical attributes, and robs us of all agency—intellectual or sexual. And yet, Republican women young and old buy into it to the point that they think sexual harassment is a compliment.
I suppose we never could have counted on Gaetz—who is under investigation by the Justice Department for a sexual relationship he had with a 17-year-old that might meet the definition of trafficking—to show the next generation of women how much he respects them as equal, independent thinkers. Still, I’m disheartened that the level of discourse has fallen so far that a sitting Congressman thinks it’s cool to sound like a middle school bully in a public speech. He’s not even pretending this is about the innocent babies anymore. He’s all in on the misogyny.
At the same conference, Gaetz also took aim at former Vice President Mike Pence saying he was a nice guy but not a leader and “will never be President.” Pence’s former chief of staff responded with a cheap shot of his own:
“I don’t think Matt Gaetz will have an impact on [whether Pence runs]. In fact, I would be surprised if he’s still voting. It’s more likely he’ll be in prison for child sex trafficking by 2024.”
He added:
“And I’m actually surprised that Florida law enforcement still allows him to speak to teenage conferences like that.”
Admit it: it’s kind of fun when they start turning on each other.
Is Monkeypox a Public Health Emergency?
Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, director-general of the World Health Organization declared Monkeypox to be a public health emergency of international concern (PHEIC), but not everyone agrees with the decision. WHO convened a meeting last week of its International Health Emergency Committee, which included 15 of the committee’s 16 members and 10 outside advisors. The experts could not come to a consensus as to whether the new outbreak met the criteria for a PHEIC.
As of last Friday, WHO had received reports of 15,328 laboratory-confirmed cases and 72 probable cases. Cases remain largely concentrated among men who have sex with men (MSM), though there have been cases in other groups, including 72 documented cases in children, of which 23 were in those 4 years old or younger. Most of the case are in countries where monkeypox is not usually present.
Some of the experts in the meeting felt that the current outbreak meets the definition of a PHEIC because it is:
an extraordinary event,
that constitutes a risk to many countries through the international spread of disease, and
may potentially require a coordinated international response.
Committee members in favor of the declaration cited a “moral obligation” to deploy all available responses.
Others expert participants, however, felt that the current situation did not meet international crisis level because cases were not growing exponentially in the affected countries, there had not been much change in the status of the outbreak since the previous meeting, the disease is not particularly severe, and the policies and interventions being implemented have the potential to be effective.
Despite this lack of consensus, the director-general went ahead with the declaration in the hopes that it would push countries to invest more in prevention and better coordinate the sharing of resources.
The Biden administration has a similar decision to make here in the United States where we’ve seen just about 3,000 cases of monkeypox in the last few months. According to the CDC, most cases in the U.S. have also been in MSM but there have been some in cisgender women and two cases in children.
This outbreak differs from the early days of Covid-19 or HIV because we know what we’re dealing with and have both a treatment (an antiviral called tecovirimat) and a vaccine (called Jynneos). Unfortunately, getting treatment and vaccines to the people who need them has been challenging. While the CDC has shipped out over 300,000 doses of Jynneos so far, many health departments say they are having a hard time getting it and the demand is far outstripping their supply.
As for the treatment, tecovirimat is technically only FDA approved for smallpox, a related virus with more serious outcomes. This can add more bureaucracy to the prescription process. According to the CDC, a new streamlined process of getting the medication is set to be released this week.
We also already have a test for monkeypox, and the Biden administration is working with clinics and commercial laboratories to expand the availability of testing. One issue, however, is that the test swabs pox which can take weeks to develop from the time of infection.
Many advocates have argued that the U.S. response to monkeypox is suffering from an underfunded public health infrastructure that includes sexual health clinics already working above their capacity.
Monkeypox is not officially an STI because it can be spread by close contact outside of sexual situations (it is transmissible through respiratory droplets and contact with clothes or sheets used by someone who currently has pox). That said, it is clearly spreading through sexual encounters and has been presenting around the genitals or anus which means people are seeking help at sexual health clinics.
According to the National Coalition of STD Directors, these clinics are operating with less money than they got in 2003 (a 41% decrease if we account for inflation) and can’t possibly meet the demand of this new threat. David Harvey, the agency’s president, wrote in an op-ed: “If HIV and Covid-19 were wake-up calls for the government to prioritize public health, monkeypox shows the consequences of hitting the snooze button too many times.”
Some say that declaring a health emergency is merely a symbolic gesture that will have no direct impact on the availability of testing, treatment, or vaccines. They note that advocates have asked the Biden administration to declare abortion access, climate change, and gun violence health emergencies as well. Currently, Covid-19 and the opioid crisis are considered emergencies in declarations that must be renewed every 90 days.
Other experts, however, believe that declaring monkeypox a health emergency will help free up funding and focus the response. Jennifer Kates, who leads global health policy for Kaiser Family Foundation, told the Washington Post that she thinks monkeypox is a “truly unique event” that merits a declaration: “It’s crossing states, it’s spreading rapidly, it’s never happened here before, and it has all these risks associated with it.” She hopes a declaration could help encourage an “all-hands-on deck” response.
The decision ultimately rests with Xavier Becerra, the secretary of health, who seems unconvinced. Speaking to CNN on Monday, Becerra said: “We want to get ahead of [monkeypox]. You don’t want it to become a part of life. But how many people have died compared to covid? Zero … We declare public health emergencies based on the data and the science, not on our worries.”
Nope, NASA Did Not Warn Astronauts Against Masturbating in Space
Despite reports published in semi-legitimate news sources like the New York Post, NASA has not warned its astronauts against diddling themselves in space nor has it suggested that space cum could impregnate up to three women at a time.
What off earth am I talking about, you ask? (See what I did there?)
It appears to be a modern media game of telephone. Conan O’Brien had Smythe Mulikan, an engineer who works with a NASA contractor, as a guest on the July 21 episode of his podcast, Conan Needs a Friend. The episode also featured co-hosts Sona Movsesian and Matt Gourley. Conan asked Mulikan if he’d ever sent porn to the international space station and then the late-night star and his cohosts began a speculative conversation about porn in space.
The contents of that conversation somehow found themselves presented as fact in multiple news sources with headlines like “NASA scientist explains why astronauts should not masturbate in zero gravity” and “Astronauts warned not to masturbate in space as one session can impregnate three women.”
Having seen Apollo 13, The Martian, and Something About Mary, the visual was easy and amusing, but I was ready to give a good old that’s not how it f**king works to the idea that three women could be impregnated by s floating space jizz. Vaginas are not, after all, open holes just waiting for something to fly into them. And, if there ever were three women on a personed-mission to space, they’d be wearing clothes that would cover said vaginas anyhow.
A little further digging, however, revealed that it wasn’t the NASA scientist who suggested this, it was co-host Matt Gourley, who is a comedian. According to Snopes the conversation went like this:
CONAN: Were someone to be watching space porn on the space station, how does that work?
GOURLEY: Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man from the same session.
CONAN: Because the semen flies around?
GOURLEY: Uh-huh. And finds its way.
MOVESIAN: And the women are all naked?
GOURLEY: Well, it’s space porn.
I cannot argue with this. “Because space porn,” is a totally legitimate answer in this context. I’d also like to suggest—as I already have at least once before—that anyone interested in this subject find themselves a copy of the soft-core 90’s classic Emmanuelle in Space. Because space porn.