Brought to You By the Letter P

Pearly Penile Papules

I admit it. I fell for a click-bait headline and learned something new about sexual health from an article that was clearly written by a bot. Perhaps I should be embarrassed, but the alliteration is too fun and the article too poorly written, so I’m just pleasantly amused.

Here’s how the article started:

In the vast world of health and wellness, few topics generate as much curiosity and, often, undue concern as pearly penile papules (PPP).  

I would argue that in the vast world of health and wellness, almost any topic generates more curiosity and undue concern than pearly penile papules because most people have never heard of them. (My husband would argue that the sentence is true as long as the phrase “as much” is understood to mean “near zero.”) Still, I looked it up in more legitimate sources, and they are actually a thing we should probably know about.

Pearly penile papules (PPP) are harmless bumps found near the head of the penis. They usually appear as white spots organized into one or two rows around the corona (the ridge that separates the head of the penis from the shaft). While they clearly got their name from their resemblance to a pearl, these bumps may be pinkish or yellowish.

Estimates of how many pearl-encrusted penises are out there vary widely—anywhere from 14% to 48% of people with penises worldwide may have PPP. It is more common among Black people and those who are uncircumcised. The bot would also like to assure you that pearly penile papules are not punishment for promiscuity:

In the realm of sexual health, myths and misconceptions abound. One such misconception linked to PPP is that their presence suggests promiscuity. It’s important to dispel this myth and highlight the facts.

The bot would also like to remind you to stop slut-shaming people:

Individuals and their partners should approach the topic with empathy and information. Judging someone’s character or history based on physical attributes like PPP is scientifically inaccurate and can lead to unnecessary stigmas and misunderstandings.

Pearly penile papules may look like genital warts, but they are not caused by HPV, they are not cancerous nor do they cause cancer, and they are not contagious. They often appear during late puberty and sometimes go away as a person ages. No one is entirely sure what causes them. The bot puts it this way:

Human bodies exhibit unique features; some people may have distinct birthmarks, while others may showcase unique skin characteristics. Similarly, PPP is yet another manifestation of this anatomical diversity…. It serves as a testament to the myriad ways nature expresses itself, further emphasizing the vast diversity inherent in human anatomy.

Thanks bot, that was practically poetic.

The bot and I agree that if you’re puzzled by possible pearly penile papules, you should get them checked out by a health care provider post-haste.

The bot’s “final thoughts” (do we need Alan Turing to weigh in on whether a bot has thoughts?), suggest that anyone still perplexed by their pearly penile papules should find more information:

As individuals navigate the intricacies of bodily variations, such as PPP, it stresses the importance of thorough understanding. These features exemplify the diverse array of natural characteristics of the human body…. For those seeking deeper insights, turning to reputable sources is imperative.

I know I recently mused about AI taking my job, but articles like this make me feel secure in a long career as a reputable source.

Speaking of which, read my new article for Yahoo News about delayed ejaculation. I promise it was not written by a bot, and that it relies far less heavily on the letter P.

A New Test Can Tell If You Took Mifepristone;
We Should All Be Terrified

Polish scientists are working on a lab test that could determine whether a woman has taken the mifepristone/misoprostol combination commonly used for a medication abortion. Experts say they see no medical reason for such a test, which means its purpose is far more sinister.

As of 2021, abortions are illegal in Poland except for pregnancies that result from rape or cases in which the mother’s life or health are in danger. Under Polish law, women who self-administer abortion pills cannot be prosecuted, but anyone who helps women obtain the pills can be.

That is just what happened to Justyna Wydrzynska, co-founder of a Polish abortion rights group. She was found guilty in March for providing abortion pills to woman in an abusive relationship. Wydrzynska was sentenced to eight months of community service.

Experts fear that the tests will be used to find other women who took abortion pills and prosecute those who helped them. In fact, the scientific papers that detailed the methods and success of the tests were based on biological samples taken during the investigation of three suspected abortions. Having found traces of mifepristone and misoprostol in maternal blood and fetal liver tissue, respectively, the researchers concluded that the abortions did take place. This research was done as part of a state-funded project.  

The lead researcher on the studies stands behind his work, saying, “I am not a politician, I am a scientist, and I do my work in accordance with the current law in Poland.” Perhaps to lend legitimacy to the work, he and his co-authors argue in the paper that the tests are important because now that medication abortions are banned in some countries, these drugs and possible counterfeit versions will begin to appear on the black market, posing a public-health risks.

That feels like retconning a justification, especially since mifepristone has proven itself to be highly safe and effective. Research shows that medication abortion successfully terminates pregnancy 99.6% of the time and carries very little risk of major complications (less than .5%). The mortality rate associated with medication abortion is .64 per 100,000 uses. This makes it far safer than pregnancy/birth which has a mortality rate of 18 deaths per 100,000 live births and is even higher for Black women at 40 deaths per 100,000 live births. It’s also safer than many medications on the market including penicillin (2 deaths per 100,000 users), Viagra and its generics (4 deaths per 100,000 users), and Tylenol/acetaminophen which accounts for over 600 deaths each year. 

As we’ve discussed many times, the fate of mifepristone in the United States is up in the air as cases wend their way up to the Supreme Court. The highest court to rule on this so far—the highly conservative Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals—refused to overturn the FDAs 20-year-old approval of the drug but agreed that it could not be distributed through the mail (oh the Comstockery). If rules around mife are tightened, the last thing we need is a test to prove whether someone has taken it.

Last week, I reminded us that all of the “save the fetus” bulls**t is a smokescreen for what limiting access to abortion and contraception has always been about: controlling women. This week, I will mention abortion abolitionists; those who believe that women who get abortions should face the death penalty.

Dusty Deevers, who just won the Republican primary nomination for a state Senate seat in Oklahoma, is running on this platform. He says on his website, “No issue is more important than stopping the mass murder of preborn children.” He promises to make “preborn children equal under the law” and close “the loopholes for self-managed abortion.” Essentially this would mean that the state could charge women who use mifepristone with homicide and presumably seek the death penalty. While most politicians don’t admit to wanting women dead, more than six states have introduced legislation that would classify abortion as homicide this year.

And now science is handing prosecutors the proof they need for a conviction. Did I mention we should be terrified?